Being Jolene Read online

  BEING JOLENE

  by Caitlin Kerry

  Being Jolene

  Copyright © 2015 Caitlin Kerry

  Cover Design: © Arijana Karčić, Cover It! Designs (http://coveritdesigns.net/)

  Cover Photos from Shutterstock.com

  Editing: Taylor K Editing

  Interior Format: Champagne Formats

  Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise) without the prior written permission of the above author of this book.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, brands, media, and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.

  The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of various products referenced in this work of fiction, which have been used without permission. The publication/use of these trademarks is not authorized, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owners

  Table of Contents

  DEDICATION

  PROLOGUE

  CHAPTER ONE

  CHAPTER TWO

  CHAPTER THREE

  CHAPTER FOUR

  CHAPTER FIVE

  CHAPTER SIX

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  CHAPTER NINE

  CHAPTER TEN

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  EPILOGUE

  NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR

  FINDING JUNE - CHAPTER 1

  CHAPTER 2

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

  Dedication: To the ones who are brave enough to challenge their happily ever after

  PROLOGUE

  Jolene

  Bright light blinded me. I was barely able to open my eyes because of the brightness of the shining sun. Why in the hell was it so bright in here? Last time I checked, I had black-out curtains in my room. My eyes adjusted to the light as I blinked into focus. I looked across the large king-sized bed to the dark nightstand with a clock adorned with large red numbers. I didn’t have a clock. Or a nightstand. Why were my sheets a different color?

  Oh fuck. Where was I?

  My head was pounding, but it only took a few seconds before the night rushed back to my mind.

  Caleb’s. I was at Caleb’s. I sighed, rubbing my hands over my face. I really had to stop sleeping with him. When I met Caleb at my best friend’s birthday party before she left for South America, I was intrigued by the quiet, sad boy. That intrigue soon turned into sex. For the last year and a half, we had been hooking up off and on. It was the longest non-relationship I’d ever had—though it was not a relationship in the slightest. Whenever the loneliness became too much, we found solace in each other’s bodies, losing ourselves. It was easy and simple.

  Lately, I was thinking he wanted more. As shitty as it sounded, I didn’t know if I had more to give. I didn’t think I could be the one to fix Caleb. He was lost in the dark and had no intentions of leaving. I understood it, but together our darkness was too much. We were both too fragile, but in different ways. I tended to never let anyone in beyond the bedroom.

  My phone chirped with a text.

  Caleb: Hey Beautiful. Sorry for not waking you before I left, I had to hit the library early to finish a paper. Feel free to raid my fridge. See you later.

  Terms of endearment. Yikes.

  Yeah, it was time to stop sleeping with Caleb. It sucked; I couldn’t avoid him like I usually did with guys I discarded. Especially since Caleb was friends with Reece and June. Often, we found the four of us hanging out, sometimes five when Reece lightened up and let his little sister, Hannah, join in the festivities.

  I stretched, feeling the soft fabric of Caleb’s sheets. I would miss this bed. I didn’t have to be to the shop until noon, and since it was early still, the sun being nice enough to wake me up before ten, I had time.

  I heard a cabinet door slam; the sound coming from the kitchen. Caleb lived alone, close to school. He was in his first year of getting his doctorate degree and his apartment was close to Boise State. He must have finished early. I got out of bed, noting I wasn’t wearing any clothes. I yawned, and as I got out of bed, I was hit by all the alcohol I had consumed from the night before. Not my usual MO, but it had been a shitty day and Caleb was buying. I ran my hand through my tangled hair and shook my head to myself. Story of my life.

  I threw on my tank top from the night before, no bra, and decided there was no need to put on anything besides my panties. I didn’t even look in the mirror; my dark hair was probably all over the place but hopefully it was the sexy just had sex hair. Men, for some reason, loved it. It was evidence of their conquering in the bedroom and I wasn’t planning to slash that disillusion. Nope, I was going to use it to my advantage.

  Sure, I needed to stop sleeping with Caleb, but I might as well take advantage of the situation. But, this had to be the last time. The. Last. Time. And one day, I might actually believe that. I would be lying if I said he wasn’t good in bed, because he was. It was one of the reasons I kept going back to him, time and time again.

  His body was addicting, even if I knew deep down I wasn’t the girl to change his world. He thought I was, but it was a blurred image, one I kept giving into knowing that I really shouldn’t. But something had to change, so this morning I would say goodbye. I would seduce him and then try my damnedest to ignore him. I had done it before. I could do it again.

  I crept down the hallway, as silent as a mouse in order to surprise him. I heard the clanking of dishes as I turned the corner. In the sexiest voice I could muster I said, “Hey, you’re back early. Ready for round three?”

  Or was it four?

  Things were still a little hazy from last night.

  I looked up as I came into view of the kitchen, and as I did, I felt my world tilt. My mouth dropped open and my eyes grew wide.

  The guy standing in front of me was not Caleb.

  No, standing in front of me was a lumberjack. A tall, sexy lumberjack who was actually wearing a red and black flannel shirt. I’d bet a hundred bucks he had an ax behind the counter. The man had his hand with a spoon full of cereal halfway to his mouth when I saw him. He slowly took the spoon and put it in his mouth, his eyes never leaving mine. Holy fuck. And here I stood in a tank top and panties, sans bra. This was Caleb’s apartment, right? I had woken up in men’s places before, but I was positive this was Caleb’s apartment. I also knew he didn’t have roommates, so who was this man?

  “I didn’t sleep with you, did I?” I blurted out. It was a question I had to ask just to make sure I wasn’t dreaming of Caleb’s text.

  There was a slight pause before the man smirked. “Unfortunately no, but damn Caleb is a lucky son of a bitch. Round three did you say?” He laughed and took another bite of his cereal.

  I wasn’t easily embarrassed, but I felt my cheeks flush a bright red. Actually, since I was standing practically naked in front of him, I could feel my whole body turn red. “I’ll be back,” I mumbled as I fled back to Caleb’s bedroom to get fully dressed, faster than I ever had before. I had to get out of here before this situation got any worse. I wondered if I could sneak out of the apartment w
ithout being noticed by Sexy Lumberjack.

  I walked out of the bedroom and tried to make a straight shot for the door. Ignoring Sexy Lumberjack would make this situation all go away. My eyes were on the door, the getaway to this awkward morning.

  “Leaving without a goodbye? Usually I don’t let half naked women leave my place this quick.” I stopped only a foot from the door. Someone was full of himself. I was so close to escaping this embarrassment. I hitched my purse up on my shoulder and took a deep, calming breath. I could do this. This was not the first time I had to have an uncomfortable conversation with a man the next morning. Though, usually, I had actually slept with the guy. I slowly turned to face Sexy Lumberjack who was putting his now empty bowl in the sink, rinsing it out.

  “Who are you?” I questioned.

  He set the bowl down and took a few steps closer to me, putting his hand out. “Ty.” I looked at this hand but didn’t take it.

  “Ty? Is that short for something?”

  He paused. “No. Just Ty.” I nodded and finally took his hand to shake it, looking from our hands to his face. He had thick hair, boarding between dark brown and black. And oh my, he had a beard. Upon closer inspection it was more like a really un-kept five o’ clock shadow. His eyes were a startling hazel, much lighter than my brown eyes. They shined through the mass of dark hair and beard.

  He wasn’t at all like the men I usually was with. If we were in a crowded bar, I shamefully admit that I would pass this guy up, going more towards the preppy guys. The guys I went after never stared at me this long. Of course, they were also never this sober.

  Ty still had my hand in his as his eyes explored my face, never looking right to my boobs like most men did. The beard and messy hair gave him a disheveled appearance that was very attractive. He was all man too, his grip strong on my hand, and I could see the muscles in his arms with his flannel shirt rolled to his elbows. He had to have an ax hiding around here somewhere to get arms like that.

  I finally let go of his hand. “What are you doing here?”

  He cocked his head, his eyes still examining me, making me more uncomfortable by the second. “I’m staying with Caleb for a couple days.” Short and to the point answers weren’t giving anything away and not at all telling me why he was here and Caleb was not.

  “Why?” I was totally grilling him. Honestly, he should be giving me the third degree. I was the girl who came out with little to no clothing on.

  “I don’t live here, and whenever I need to come into town, Caleb let’s me crash on his couch.”

  “When did you come here?”

  This time Ty looked to the side with a sly smile. “Last night.”

  I closed my eyes. I really wished the details from the night before were clearer but knowing how I was, he probably got a show. This should have been disconcerting, and in a way it completely was, but at the same time, it didn’t seem that out of place with how my life went.

  “No worries, though. I had earplugs in my bag. They came in handy last night.”

  Fucking super. He was totally goading me on.

  “You knew I was here.”

  He laughed. “Hard to miss.” The lumberjack winked at me as I rolled my eyes. “I figured since Caleb already left, so had you. I was mistaken when you came out of his bedroom this morning. No harm.”

  I’m sure no man would say it was ‘no harm’ when a girl walks out in her panties. I shook my head. I had to leave. Right now. I was going to call Caleb as soon as I was out the door to find where he was hiding in the library. Then I was going to go kick his ass.

  “It was nice to meet you, but I really need to be going.” I didn’t even give this Ty guy a chance to say anything. I just walked with out of Caleb’s apartment with whatever pride I had left. When I was finally out of his building, I leaned against the wall outside, putting my hands on my knees, trying to make the nausea settle. I hated not feeling in control and that man had definitely made feel powerless. I was unprepared, caught off guard. After a few deep breaths, I was able to get in my car get and down to June’s store. The short drive to the shop was a blur due to my mind replaying the morning. It was like a bad movie I couldn’t stop watching. And I couldn’t get his stare out of my mind or how his hazel eyes looked at me with awe. No man had ever looked at me like that. Yes, men always had lust in their eyes when they saw me, but there was something different about how he looked at me. Something that was foreign to me, beyond my understanding.

  I took a deep breath and pushed it all out of my mind as I parked, walking the short block to June’s store. Edge of Nature was June’s coffee shop slash bookstore slash my art gallery. June had asked me to work for her and, of course, I’d agreed. I loved working with my best friend, and her store was perfect for her. People came in and grabbed coffee, maybe bought a book. It also had a great space for me to post my art. On weekends, we had live music, but during the week, we had open mic nights where people could come up and sing or share their short stories or really whatever they wanted. Reece and June ran the store pretty damn effectively and working for them was perfect for my lifestyle.

  June had even convinced Reece to let Hannah work here part time during her freshman year at BSU. Her love for Caleb was not lost on me either, but there wasn’t much I could do and she wasn’t a bitch to me, even though she knew I was sleeping with him. She was a sweet kid.

  “Hey, there you are Jo,” June said as I walked in. Reece was standing next to her making coffee. The two of them were sickly sweet and completely in love, but I was happy for them. June never did move out of Reece’s house when she came home from her six-month journey in South America, but they never liked to follow the rules. They loved each other and were along for the ride.

  I got behind the counter for June only to say, “Reece, can you watch the front? I need to talk to Jolene about something.”

  I frowned but followed June down the small hallway to her equally small office.

  “What’s up, Junebug?” I asked as June closed the office door. Whoa there, super secret office talk apparently.

  She turned to face me. “I’ll get to the point. The lodge I worked for the summer after I graduated called me wanting to know if I would work for them this summer. They need someone to manage their restaurant. They knew I was gone last summer but wanted to check in for this one. I can’t go, but I told them I would be on the lookout for someone who could.” She paused, her hands on her hips. “Which led me to you. Do you want to spend the summer in central Idaho? I loved being up there.”

  June wanted me to leave for four months? I raised an eyebrow.

  “Oh, you’ll still have your job when you get back! Don’t worry about that. With Hannah not in school this summer, she can work more and cover your hours.”

  I thought about it. If I left, I could easily make a clean break from Caleb; it was the perfect way to end things and it would let me avoid looking like a bitch. Then when I came home I would simply say I wasn’t looking for meaningless hookups. Hopefully Caleb got the point. Hell, I needed to get to the point and gather enough strength to stop sleeping with him.

  I didn’t let my mind wander any further and said, “Sure.” It wasn’t like I had any real plans for the summer. I never did.

  “Really? You can think about it. You don’t have to give me an answer right away.” My Junebug always had to think things through. Me, on the other hand, I went wherever the wind blew me. Everything would play out as long as I stuck to the rules I had set up for my life. Yes, this was a good idea. I wasn’t worried about it. In all reality,, it might be nice to have a change of scenery, even if I wasn’t an outdoors kind of girl. While June was the one on the slopes at a ski resort, I was the one warming up by the fireplace in the ski lodge.

  “I don’t need time to think about it. I’m up for it.” I smiled at June, and she shook her head and smirked at me.

  “Alright, I’ll let them know. Thanks Jo.”

  CHAPTER ONE

  Jolene

&
nbsp; “I was stepping into the unknown, but the unknown was better than the steady landscape I had become accustomed to.”–From the diary of Maggie Brown, May 1891

  One month later

  For the most part, bars were about the same wherever you went. It was the goal of going out to find something, usually trouble disguised as love or comfort, or just a good time. Whatever filled the void at the moment. Most found comfort in clear liquid, the illusion of it easing your troubles. You tried to forget the worries life laid on you, and once you entered the doors of the bar, you could clear it away with a drink. It all seemed simple, carefree.

  On occasion, some took it to a level where they were too far-gone; sinking low in the glass they had emptied countless times. Some took the edge off, only to lose control and then regret it the next morning. A handful were able to keep a clear head, but those were few and far between. I had spent enough time in the dark lighted corners of bars that all of this was common sense by now.

  I was no stranger to the bar scene. I enjoyed going out with the girls and flirting with the boys who made eye contact, gave me a wink, and took my hand on the dance floor. I had times where I drank too much and times where I was smart enough to call it quits. It usually depended on how my week went. I had gone home with guys from the bar, frequently to their place, and had my fair share of walk of shames. Though, I never really felt shameful, but more knowledgeable in a way. Each guy I slept with or tiptoed away from was a lesson on things not to repeat. Another reminder of why it was important to depend on myself. If I couldn’t get myself home after a night in someone’s else’s bed, then what was the point?

  Of course, some did get a repeat performance. Caleb was that guy. While we had met at June’s birthday party, it was a few weeks later at the bar in downtown Boise when our eyes met across the room in our slightly tipsy states. Cue hardcore flirting, numerous shots, and a cab ride home. From there, I began a delightful, while at times worrisome, journey where we ended up together more often than not. We were both filling the void, never really speaking of the troubles we were trying to hide. At least, not at first.